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Happy Fatherless Day: Entry 3

Somewhere in February I received a letter to me dated February 1, 2017. It took me a while to actually open it. What if he had rejected me again or didnt validate my anxiety? I had to read it eventually so I got a glass of wine, sat cross-legged in my bed and opened the letter. Was it what I THOUGHT should have been a proper reply to a daughter who has laid her heart out there to possibly get stepped on? Abso-freaking-lutely NOT! Ya'll I was upset....hotter than fish grease. How dare he give me more excuses and tell me about HIS issues. This wasn't about you homie...well, kind of...but it really was about me . Then I had to check myself. Was me writing to him really about me forgiving him or was it about me wanting to have a pity party and have him wallow in more guilt? I had to review my motives and review my expectations. I had to realize that what he wrote to me was what he knew. Even though it was not the words that I thought were ideal, they were the words that expressed his heart of regret and love. After 40 years I finally told him how I felt only to learn he was in his last moments of life. SO NOT FAIR!!! What now? *to be continued*

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