June 30, 2017...the day they laid the man who is responsible for half of my attitude... half of my intelligence... half of my wonderfully made, flawed self to rest. It was longer than a week but it didn't feel any better. The spirit again reminded me that God's timing was perfect. I had to do some serious self-reflection and get to the root of some things. Past relationships. Past feelings. Past ways of doing things. When I thought about it, I had to be real with myself and know that those 5, 10, 15, 20 times that I'd said I had forgiven him, I really hadn't. What I had done was stuffed my feelings about him into a locked cage in the deepest recesses of my heart. Out of sight out of mind - or so I thought. That cage had to be unlocked and the feelings had to be released. It was scary. It was hurtful. But it was NECESSARY.
There is a quote that says that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for your enemy to die. Please stop drinking the poison. Not only do we need to forgive them, but we need to free ourselves. We need to give ourselves permission to let go, shake it off, and breathe.
By the grace of God, I have truly truly forgiven him and realized that the end was really the beginning.