June 3, 2017 on the plane ride home I wrote: So here I am. I made it through. And it didnt kill me. It actually was good for me. My siblings were outside the door as I walked up. The first thing they said was "oh, yeah that's our sister. Look at that forehead". As I walked in the door my dad immediately recognized me and began to cry. I am glad that I could bring him joy in that moment. I think those tears were a little different than the tears that came at the end,

May 24, 2017 I received another message.  This time I was told that my father had been placed on hospice.   Immediately I began to make arrangements to get there.   This journey was not only emotional because I was going to see a father that I only needed 3 fingers to account for, but also because there were 2 siblings and several nieces that I would be meeting for the first time. I didn't know what that experience would be like. I didn't know what they would expect. I didn'

My brother sent me a message dated Feb 15, 2017 that read "Dad got stomach cancer now." Now mind you I had just had my breakthrough and epiphany of forgiveness about a week prior. He had already battled throat cancer and had no voice due to The tracheotomy and tube in his throat.  That meant that I could not hear him share his love with me. I could read his expressions of pride on Facebook but that was it, now this.  I couldn't imagine what my siblings who had been with him

"I've waited 40-odd years for this to happen and I'm not surprised, amazed or intrigued". This is an exact quote of the opening of his letter to me. The first time I read it, I literally stopped at that period and put the letter down because my whole attitude and spirit was messed up. In that moment I felt as if there was nothing this man could say that I wanted to hear. About a day later I picked it up and gridgingly continued to read. In the middle of the letter he spoke o

Somewhere in February I received a letter to me dated February 1, 2017. It took me a while to actually open it. What if he had rejected me again or didnt validate my anxiety? I had to read it eventually so I got a glass of wine, sat cross-legged in my bed and opened the letter. Was it what I THOUGHT should have been a proper reply to a daughter who has laid her heart out there to possibly get stepped on? Abso-freaking-lutely NOT! Ya'll I was upset....hotter than fish gre

January 2017 Just this past year (2016) I decided to write to him and get it all off my chest.  I wrote the letter in 2016 but could not gather the courage to send it until 2017. I expressed to him the disappointment, rejection and hurt I felt... how I have graduated 4 times between high school and college and he has never been there...how I walked down the aisle by myself...how my children have never met him but have features or mannerisms like him...how I felt that if he h

Entry 1: As you read this entry and those 9 that are to come, please read it through the lense of a testimony. I am not badmouthing my father or asking anyone to have sympathy. This is me being transparent and real about my experiences as a 41 year old woman who has always wanted her daddy. I have always known who my biological father was, but I never knew my daddy. January 2017 I started a 6-month journey of forgiveness that I had no idea would be such a whirlwind and t

Yesterday was Father's Day. An awesome day for some. An awful day for some. Then there were others who were conflicted about how to feel. I fell into the latter group. This page is about promoting you into your purpose and that is why my posts for the next few days about my Fatherless Days will be so relevant. They helped to promote me to my purpose.